My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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