dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
