theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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