Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
