We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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