summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
