If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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