Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
