she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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