I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
