I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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