what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
