Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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