Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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