Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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