Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
