his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
