NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
