anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
