so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
