there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
