I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
