i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
