Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize