just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
