turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
