Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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