OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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