So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
