He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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