First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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