'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
