I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
