So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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