My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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