you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
