I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
two words: eviction party
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
