Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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