Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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