We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
