You really coming over, don't trick.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
