i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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