my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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