I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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