Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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