life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
