Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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