well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
