My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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