If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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