dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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