I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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