Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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