All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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