So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
