I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
