Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
