Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
