We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
