so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
