at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
