You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
