When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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