Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
