Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
