she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
