You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
