I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
