i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
