I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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