I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
