Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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