How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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